sian... i reali feel veri sian leh... goin to one month lor... i dunnoe wad i tinkin now lor... super sian... not like last time keep on cryin... my life now become veri messy... i dunnoe how la... veri sian...

i try not to forget u... but u seem to be like so far from me now... time juz passin so fast, i dunnoe how la... when time passed by, i slowly forgot ur voice, i slowly forgot ur face, i slowly forgot ur warm... everything since to be so normal n yet so abnormal... i now startin to qn myself alot of thing... i reali feel lost in my life... dunnoe how sia... too use to rely on u lor, n now i cannot rely on myself anymore...

i feel like frens impt 4 me now... but i dunnoe how to get back to them... i wan to have my sec sch frenship back... i reali got too much time n nth much to do... i feel veri tired... i scare of being alone at hm... i scare of goin out wif frens nth to sae... so sian...

i wan to sae smth out... but i dunnoe how to do tt... is veri diff to sae out wad i tinkin, but continues to keep it in mind, i scare i will bomb lor... sian...

finali end my presentation... juz come to e end of my poly life... omg... end lidat... reali dun feel like endin lor... my lecturer feel tt i nv reali explain e impt part they feel lor, although my LO sae maybe coz they dun reali understand... anywae, juz hack la... already end la... reali feel veri lost lor, dunnoe wad to do after tt... n already sick 4 one wk lor, n todae gettin worst, fever somemore... haiz... e end nv go out wif them lor... my sushi gone... sian... i dun like 19th of e month, i dun like tues... so sian lor... todae keep on feel like wan to cry lor... coz too stress 4 e presentation... comments from e lecturers is too hurt 4 me lor... after tt feel too sick lor... haiz... n i reali cannot believe tt, i slim down... omg...

happy 7th month anniversary!!!!!!

so sian... life become meaningless 4 me... day n day pass by without leavin anything... everyone tell me life muz go on... ya... my life is juz go on without doin anything... i scare to fall aslp... i scare nite... i scare many thing...

i dunnoe how la... e whole thing i tink i am e one lost e less lor... he lost his life... his parents lost a son hu acc them 4 so many yrs... they all lost a fren hu being wif them 4 dunnoe how many yrs, how many months... n wad i had lost... juz lost a bf hu acc me 4 6months... i reali feel tt i nv lost tt much compare to everyone of us lor... i tink e time he acc me is e lesser lor... n i am so sad abt losin him... how other feel... haiz...

this year, i finali learn smth tt i nv tink of... dead... dead is like quite commonly in our life... from news, newspaper, everydae dunnoe how many ppl dead lor... but this is e firx time, dead is so close to me... juz happenin rite in front of me... haiz... i reali scare of facin it anymore la, so y not juz i face it la... reali hope tt no one will die la... y not i die 4 everyone la... i noe impossible de la... anywae, no matter how, i hope tt all of my relatives, mummy, dad, bro, frens, my dear dogs can live forever lor, better to live at least 100years old, juz 4 e sick of me lor... i dun wan to lose anyone anymore...

finali come to e last dae of my attachment... e dae tt i wish to come 4 18wks... n now it finali come n i dun feel happy at all... all my plan juz gone... i nv go malaysia wif them as wad we plan before... i dun nid to go sch acc him anymore... i now got soooo many free time but nth to do... haiz... dunnoe how la...

so sian... from morning wake up i already non-stop cryin till i left my hse... i reali wan to have someone acc me go work in todae morning lor... i scare to be alone... i dun wan to tink of anything at all lor... but e end i am alone go work lor... i thought i will cry todae lor, but i am too strong enough... juz like normal... i can still make fun, laughin, kiddin... happily takin photos... but nth is same as last time lor... other than bloggin reali dunnoe how to express my feelin... i reali feel like one dae i will get crazy...

so sian lor... headache headache headache... doctor ask me not to be so stress but how?? i oso dun wan to rely on medicine 4 my rest of life... so funny lor... my colleague sae i slim down during this 18 weeks... omg... cannot believe lor... i reali got keep on eatin lor... then faezza sae maybe coz i eat too much medicine... dunnoe la... so sian lor... todae goin hm tt time headache till i wan die, after havin my medicine like totally ok lor... this mean tt i nid to rely on it 4 e rest of my life ma?? i dun wan lor...

i got tink of if thing nv happen, wad we are goin to be... maybe wun last long, although break will hurt me oso but not tt hurt like now lor... i rather we break or wad lor... so sian lor... i reali cannot stand up after this fall... i reali can stand up myself ma?? i reali no confidence... can anyone help me or not?? i reali feel veri tired...........

i feel veri tired... i reali cannot tahan anymore la... i feel like i am stand on e veri high building n goin to fall down soon... is hard to balance myself... i reali feel tt one dae if i cannot tahan anymore, i will get crazy sia...

time juz pass so fast tt when i realise is already 2 weeks passed... i reali dunnoe wad i feelin now... i thought i accept e fact already but once i tinkin, i can cry easily... i thought i am veri strong, coz most of my fren oso thought i am lor... but now i reali feel tt i am not... life muz go on, i noe... but how to go on without u... so sian...

after e arguement wif my mummy todae, i reali feel like i gettin crazy sia... even my mummy oso dun bother to care abt me hu will do so... is sad to sae tt... i cannot stop cryin from juz now... cry till i veri tired... i reali hate tues la... i super super hate!!!!!!!!!!

i dunnoe wad i goin to be now la... i reali feel like i wan tok smth out, i wan shout loudly lor... but... i cannot do so... i dunnoe y... i cannot express my feelin easily... reali hope tt i can juz cry in front of my fren until i feel better lor... haiz... i wan acc... i hate to alone anymore...

i feel veri lonely now... although i noe everyone dun mind acc me at all time... but there reali a diff between bf n fren lor... i feel ps to call or msg anyone in e mid nite lor... i dunnoe wad i tinkin rite now lor... i cannot stop tinkin abt him... tink of if nth happen then will become wad... maybe todae can ask him come... maybe tmr can go find him... maybe........................... so much maybe come out in my mind, n none of it will become real... maybe onli can live inside my mind... i feel super sad...

losin him but gain many frenship... shd i happy?? i reali dunnoe whether i can be strong n continues livin 4 e rest of of live lor... y thing muz happen when i feel tt i havin a super good life?? y not other but him?? y cannot change la, happen to me instead of him lor... coz i noe he confirm stronger than me lor, 100 times lor... haiz... but i noe i sae anything now oso no use one lor... haiz...

i feel veri sad esp when emily tell me how much he love me... i not even have chance to show how much i love him lor... is too late 4 anything already... i am so regret... haiz...

todae is 7th dae lor... one week had passed... n seem to be as normal... but 4 me is reali abnormal lor... i cannot get use to it yet, n maybe forever oso lor... dunnoe how to sae la... juz too use to have u dere 4 me anytime, anywhere... now... all ur promise gone lor... reali dunnoe how to survive durin cny, val dae, n my final presentation lor...

u sae cny go ur hse play mj... val dae ask me take leave celebrate wif u... final presentation tt dae which is 19 feb is our 7th month annversary lor... i juz then notice it... after realisin, how can i be strong to present lor... omg...

i nv do anything wrong wad, although cannot consider as a good person, at least not as bad as those in e prison ba... y gods cannot bless me abit more... i nv ask 4 much ar, i juz wan to have someone to acc me 4 e rest of my life, izit reali askin too much from u?? after this, i cannot tink or even imagine i can have another bf or even get marry... y u muz make me so sad, throw away all my happiness... lidat is not equal to kill me ma?? y not juz kill me lor... haiz... make me so sad 4 wad...

i hope i will be fine one dae without forgettin him... love u forever!!!

haiz... i wan cry everydae, everytime, every mins... i cannot stop from tt feelin... juz onli can control my tears not to drop out... i still cannot believe it lor... can we juz go back to tt dae... i die die oso wun let u go off de lor... but... haiz... thing already happened, i cannot do anything to change it... is veri hard 4 me to stand up... cryin is my last resort... i tink maybe one dae i cry till no tears i can stand up by my own already ba... haiz...

nth can replace u de lor... i tink i will be alone 4 my rest of life la... maybe my whole life onli got a few yrs left... reali dun wan to live sooooooo long lor... without u, life is soooooo meaningless... but anywae, i will still go on to live until e end of my life... haiz...

love u forever n ever............

another dae without u... like as normal but without u... i dunnoe wad am i goin to be lor... so sian... without u like no laugh... haiz... veri sian lor... heart still pain... i cannot tanhan anymore la... so sian, so sad... ur face keep goin into my mind... esp e whole thing... is still so clear... i like can hear when eunice n jac call me to tell me e bad news... i still rmb i take taxi go SGH... still rmb when seein everyone cryin... still rmb i go hm take bunny... still rmb i go to e accident place... i go see where u dead... i still rmb to see ur last face... is so clear, even i wan forgot oso cannot... ur face so palm, so white... so heart pain when see u lidat... slpin inside e coffin n wun be awake anymore... still rmb when ur coffin go in e burner... is so slowly n sooo sad... i still rmb e sadness in everyone face... i still rmb ur body become a small bone... inside e red cloth... i reali dun dare to touch e red cloth... coz i cannot imagine u become lidat... so scary... after throwin everything into e sea... nth had left over... haiz...

veri sian... soooooooo sian... super sian... i dunnoe when can i stop postin all tt la... but by tt time mean i am ok la... wun be emo anymore la... haiz... jiayou ba wanyi!!!!

my heart veri pain... i feel like it is hard to breathe sometimes... omg... my body like gettin bad... although i am cold blood, easy to feel cold... but now like everydae oso feel veri cold... warm is away from me for veri long time la... dunnoe when i can get it back... haiz... i alwaes tink of ur warm lor... last time u alwaes provide me warm when i needed... n now, where are u when i needed u most?? haiz... veri sian... my stomach alwaes feel veri pain... dunnoe wad happen la... feel hungry feel pain... i feel hungry, but i cannot eat much... i feel like wan vomit sometimes... i feel hard to stand up n get back normal again... i noe wun be as normal as before anymore la...

i tink wif ppl acc, i can feel slpy easily lor... at nite i am alone lor, is so hard 4 me to fall aslp... but afternoon, goin out wif them, i veri easy to feel slpy... but anywaes, i cannot slp oso la... no space 4 me to slp... so sian lor... i reali feel veri tired.... i wan slp...

veri sian... like everywhere got ur memory... go where oso can tink of u... dunnoe how la... so sian lor... can anyone help me?? i am tired............

i feel veri tired... i cannot slp well, cannot eat well... i dun feel slpy although i am super tired... i dun wan to be like this... but... i cannot stop this from happening... feel like i losin my soul and juz live becoz e sick of livin... i dun feel hungry, eat juz becoz i shd eat... i dun feel slpy at all, but juz slp becoz i shd slp... like doin everything becoz e sick of doin, my feelin like gone lor... can laugh but not like last time laugh from my heart... can cry, cry till non-stop... i veri tired... veri sian... i reali wan to have proper rest... i dun wan stomach pain, dun wan headache anymore la... but they are juz become my habit... from wed nites onwards i keep on goin toilet becoz of stomach pain... keep on headache till i wan cry... i dunnoe tt headache can be sooo pain until i wan cry lor...

haiz... i wan tok to someone abt wad i feel... but like will make them feel super sad... so... juz keep it to myself ba... i dunnoe how la... when things happened to u, nth will be ok lor... i hate this to happen to me, y muz happenin to me la??

todae is a normal dae wif abnormal feeling... e world nv change after u left... still as normal as before... onli... i cannot laugh like last time la... haiz... sadness is all over my body... i feel sad n wan cry anytime, but i try not to do so... coz i dun wan to let my fren worry lor... haiz... like non-stop tinkin abt u... coz i cannot act like i dunnoe u at all... everytime my brain start to tink of u will feel veri headache.... super heart pain lor... haiz... but i dun wan to forget u... i wan to rmb forever n ever................

wad i goin to be without u la?? can i live well?? ytd sherryl got ask whether i will have another bf... reali dun wan to tink lor... i dunnoe la... but after all this i reali can find another one ma?? haiz...

now... i feel veri lose lor... feel veri sick lor... haiz...

Profile

NAME
aNgeL wanyi
Libra 6th oct
NYP cpt-0507
Email yyuenyyee@hotmail.com

Tagboard

Wishlist

EMO seldomly.
OUTIN alwaes.
GATHERIN oftenly.
INDEPENDENT at-all-time.